Nowadays, couples are choosing to write their own vows. They want that personal touch that distinguishes their ceremony in that special way. I’m all for it! If you’re the couple who chooses to go this unconventional route, there are some Do’s and Don'ts you must keep in mind.


First, let’s start with the Do’s!

DO Decide how you feel about Surprises! Some couples wait for the big day to share their vows with each other, and some prefer to read a first draft in advance. You don’t want the bride professing her undying love and commitment to the groom, only to have the groom promise to pick-up the dry-cleaning and grill on Sundays! That’s grounds for divorce, right there! (Kidding). Surprises can be good or bad. Decide accordingly.

DO Include Personal Details! Some couples come to the altar with children from previous relationships, unique life experiences and compelling reasons why they’ve decided to spend their lives with their intended. There was a couple who fought cancer together pre-engagement, and that experience solidified their commitment to each other. 

There was a groom who, without hesitation, accepted his bride’s children and raised them as his own, pre-engagement. Couples go through many unique, imperfect and ultimately beautiful experiences before saying I Do. Don’t be shy, include all the personal details that you feel comfortable disclosing to your friends and families.


Now for the Don’ts…

Don’t Make Your Vows Too Long: Remember, vows are not speeches. They should be no longer than 2 minutes and should mainly focus on promises you want to make to your future husband or wife. You have a chance later to toast them for their many unique qualities. Don’t jump the gun!

Don’t Focus on Superficial Promises: It might be funny to vow to always take out the trash, but it’s important to recognize that a marriage ceremony carries a certain amount of sobriety. While your guests might chuckle, years down the line a vow like that might come back to haunt you. Approach your marriage as what it is: a serious life changing event. Write accordingly.